I need God GUIDANCE.

Lord, I am crying every day, every night, every time…..

I hate doughnut, really hate it so much. My heart like doughnut; so empty inside there; unbelievable empty.

Crying make me feel tired, but should I do except crying out everything to you.

I really don’t know how to speak out my sadness.

Lord, not that I want to think too negative, it is life force me, is the worse situation force me.

Lord, you send a spiritual family, give me hope, make me depend on there, there I get love and learn to love others. But the same, I get a deep hurt from there as well.

Lord, unforeseen love, care, concern and support make sad, deeper and deeper sad.

Lord, is it my problem is too much make people around don’t know how to close with me; don’t know how to communicate with me?

Lord, I am carrying a lot of gifts; it is too heavy for me.

No matter how brave I am, how much faith I have, how much hope I put… it is always not enough for me to facing the GIANTS in front of me.

Lord, guide me; I am so lost in my way. I really don’t know how to be a daughter of parents, a sister for all younger brother and sister, a student at college, a senior for junior, a good believer for church.

给妈妈的信：

妈妈， 我从来没有抱怨过家里没给我什么，真的没抱怨过。

从小孤僻，所以不懂什么叫娱乐，这都是我自己的问题，真的不是家里环境的影响，我最大的娱乐就是看到别人因我而得到喜乐，所以我的心情是从别人身上而定的，而你们也是定我心情的主要人物。说得很对，有些时候真的很辛苦，很痛苦，恨无助，很无力。看见别人和自己差别很大，再加上别人的不谅解真的很难受。

总是有口难言的面对教会朋友，而他们的不谅解使自己开始感到孤单，总是让他们认为自己很软弱。告诉我，我真的很软弱吗？？诺可以软弱点那该多好，起码会感到舒服点吧，起码可以无顾虑的倾诉。

总是告诉自己要坚强，这样才能自持家人。说真的，我好想念牧师面对面地开导，但我无法向她开口，想念组长像以前一样的陪伴，但难言以对。现时让我无法像大家一样自由自在地过着每一天，请您相信我是孤单一个人面对家里所有的问题，我勇敢地面对着现时的事实。这一路来都是靠着上帝给的精神支助 ，全靠他我带着笑容度过每一天，读好自己的书，搞好自己的学业。爸爸妈妈弟弟妹妹都有我可哭诉，而我呢？谁来听我哭诉？我只有一个看不到却感觉得到的上帝可让我哭诉。全凭他的陪伴我度过那一度又一度的难关。是否很勇敢呢？真的很希望你们能像我一样勇敢地面对障碍。

妈妈，请您勇敢地为我们熬过这一关，好吗？

我深深地相信雨后会有晴朗的一天，无须为我感到担心，我比一般人还要坚强。因为我已看透了这有起有落的人生，也别让为我好可怜，其实一点也不可怜，只是那一点点地痛苦。相反地，我比别人还要幸福，因为我拥有家庭的真爱，这不是每个人都有的。。。

my heart words

三年来家里便开始出现了许多障碍，
自从信主后更多无法接受的障碍出现，
好多好多好多~~~
多得数不清。。。
好难接受这障碍。
爸爸妈妈弟弟妹妹身体突然遇到问题，
爸爸肾脏病，妈妈糖尿病严重影响视力，妹妹病开始反作用了，弟弟跟我又没事没事气喘，爸爸生意不顺，性格暴躁，常和妈妈争执，搞到妈妈常想不开。 妈妈的哭泣弟弟妹妹的恐惧使我好无助，真的很无助，再加上经济的逼迫，然我感到生活好压力，上帝呀！帮帮我，我好难受...
爸爸常抱怨，不肯吃药，让我们过着担心害怕的每一天， 害怕爸爸的离开，担心妈妈想不开。为了让他们更坚强，我不应许自己跌倒，从不应许放弃这两个字从口而出。问题一天比一天多，压力也一天比一天重。渴望上帝的帮助越多，失望也更多，越想得到的越无法得到它。爸爸的工人骗了一笔钱跑了，爸爸的捕鱼船撞到邻居的家，培了钱又搞到大家关系破破裂裂，吵吵闹闹地每一天。
上帝呀！我真的没有智慧去开解家人，无法再像以前一样那么乐观去面对每件事了，面对家人我需带着面具去开解他们，面对大家让我感到不平衡，真的很不平衡。渴望他人的命运，真的无法再等下去了，每天都感到很难受。感觉像气喘病发作时缺氧那种感受。每天都向上帝哭诉，使我感到可悲又孤单。无力的走着人生的每一步。
重复又重复地向自己说上帝爱我，他与我同在，痛苦时便拿自己与耶稣做比较，但安慰往往不是永恒的。。。
活着真累。。。

My negative thinking

Daddy, i am so suffer now a days, you know??
A lot of things I cant explain.
Inside the heart is so empty and helpless...

Feel like climbing on the big mountain, swimming on the super deep sea, walking on the very dark jungle...
I am breathless all my time, lost my way actually, but scare to fall down in front of people. Feel suffer to be strong, but I have no more choose, I must be like that, feel unbalance when people telling me that they are suffer, they are helpless, they are hopeless, they are sad, etc etc....

Wish to let them know, actually my heart like them also, but i no dare to speak out. They need people comfort, they need people help, need people concern, need people give them love and support them to go over come the challenges. There is a easier way for my to speak God words, i cannot let go the chances. But God, I am so tired.

Lord, i wish to have a people come to me and speak me God word also, but why so less people will know my need? Why my way always so lonely. Why I cannot see people that you send to me?

Lord, a lot "why" inside my heart.
My heart had broken.
there was a very big scar inside there, a big hurt inside.
Can tell me i get harm from where?

Lord, please speak to me... please
Guide me...

Cast your care

Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

Trust the Lord, he has great plan to all of us. In times, it may look like no way for us, but actually there have already a way which is we can’t see by our natural eyes. We always can’t see and know what the plan of God is. But by the faith of God there is nothing impossible. One day we will know that be faithful with our life has been planned by the Lord and everything will be fine, the life is always wonderful, because he is controlling.

No matter how bad on your situation, how bad on your life. He knows…

No matter how sad you are, how pain your heart. He knows also, yet he is painful than you.

Has you asked your parents: “ mama or papa, how you feel when I am in the troubles? How you feel when I am sad and helpless? How you feel when I am sick or harming by others? ” then how they answer your question?

The answer is their feeling is painful than you, even their physical sense is like nothing, but their mentally are helpless than you. They may not treat you like a little child, please don’t feel disappoint. It is because they want you grow. They wanted you to overcome the challenges.

Same thing, for our Lord; our heavenly father, He is helpless when we suffer in the troubles also, you may think that what’s wrong. He is the powerful one, why helpless? Don’t misunderstand, his helpless is because all the children can’t know the truth, he is trying the best to let all the people know he is controlled. He wishes to tell people that actually nothing to sad and fear or worry, but He can’t tell us too directly. The distance between our Father and us is too far away, though Jesus already tries his best to make a way for us to connect with our Father. People eyes always blind and their heart always confuse and struggle. Even the voice of God is louder enough for everyone to hear but they always can’t hear anything.

Would you like to have people chasing you down to meet your needs? Then next time you’re facing problem, give it to God. Let him be the one who’s concerned about it. He’s volunteered for the job and you can trust him to do it well. After all, He really does care for you.

Please make comparison between your life and Jesus life

I am sad, because people can’t understand me;

I am sad, because lack of acceptance;

I am sad, because people always reject me;

I am sad, because people always can’t notice me. They always don’t know how much I have been done for them.

I am sad, because no more people pay attention to me;

I am sad, because people don’t know my needs;

I am sad, because somebody does me wrong;

I am sad, why life is so bitterness;

I am sad, why I can’t have a good relationship with people;

I am sad, why this and that………

Unending complaining always come out from people mouth,

Self-pity makes people feel life very unmeaningful.

Have you list down all your complaint and make comparison with Jesus life?

I had done it before, actually just few weeks ago.

And I found that: “Oh my God, what so bitter on Jesus life”.

Suddenly my heart feels touch with what he has did for me.

When he feel sad and disappoint alone all the time;

What he do is always good for people, but people always reject him;

He did a lot for us, but whose know it? Is it all people treasure his love?

He willing to die for every one of us, but is it all people say he is great?

He create a lot of miracle for people, is it people say he is powerful?

He take care on everyone, is it he get good relationship with people?

Is it everyone accepts him and understands him?

Whose is going to comfort him when he is sad?

Why you so great Jesus you are. You have never complained with the life. I can’t imagine that this reality world having this kind of people who always concern on people yet never asking for reward. I really hope that I can show something to you. Wish to let you know I treasure your love. I am grateful with you, don’t want to make disappoint on you.

Give thanks to you all the time…..

When troubles come your way,

consider it an opportunity for great joy,

for you know that when your faith is tested,

your endurance has a chance to grow,

when your endurance is fully developed,

you will be perfect and complete and also needing nothing. (James 1 : 2-4)

I am waiting for my life to be needing nothing,

surely it will be a peaceful, yet wonderful life....

Human demand is always unlimited,

it just make us tired all the time,

unlimited demand make people lack something,

make haert having a emptiness place,

money cannot fill that emptiness in the human heart,

it is His words can make it?

Looking for the answer...

Life in struggling

Life is tired..
God promise us will be with us all the time,
"When you tired, come to me. I will give you rest...."
People said: " God is beside you, just be silent and listen to His voice, He is talk to you..."

As i ask: Lord, where are you now?
Why I always lost my way...
Why life is so difficult?

Actually the main problem is I AM A LIAR....
I afraid to let people know my weakness,
I afraid to tell people I am struggle also,
I afraid to say I am sorry, I can't make it well,
I afraid to say i don;t know...
I afraid to cry in front of people.

struggling...........

Tired and Tired

Father Lord, Sherene feel lonely...

I don't like this kind of feeling...

Feel tired in my life, feel hate with this kind of life,

but I am your believer, when I have bad thinking, you will appear to my mind and ask me don't to think negative, sometime will feel that "yes, I am ok, should be ok soon, because you are with me right now".. but many many enemies always come to my mind and wash my brain and send me bad thinking...

I really feel tired to think more,

don't want think, don't want hear, don't want see, don't want know everything....

I am really tired to face problem...

Father Lord, why?

you say you love us, but why you are so "unfair",

why you test me too many time,

too many testing make me become weak, my spirit really become weak.....

please i need a break,

i need a stable life,

i need a peaceful life...

i don't know whether my faith is still not enough, that is why you give me so many trouble.

but i really don't know where is the problem,

i no dare enough to go through all your test, it is too hard, yet uncomfortable in heart.

get many many hurt from there....

i am going to stop all my work right now,

i got no more energy to support others, take care on others,

i am sorry, i am unable.....

too tired already....

how best if my brain suddenly stop working then i can have a long break...

Sherene crying for your care, you know???

please help me take away my burden and my worry......

Am I Changes Already????

Suddenly feel weird,
why I not miss all of my friends already,
where are them?
Everyday saw them at Facebook and MSN,
but why i not that happy to meet them there,
why i not curious to know more about them,
I thought I miss them so much,
but why I have no more topic to talk with them...

Inside my heart appear a little Satan,
he always control my emotion,
he make me feel hate with every body here,
make me always reject people,
make easier to feel jealous,
make me up and down every time,
make me become selfish,
make me tell lie, seriously lie...
sometime make me ignore my Heavenly Father,

I am sorry, I not that strong,
all of my plan cannot go on,
I give up to fasting because of my part time job,
I give up to continue read my bible day by day because of some unacceptable excuse,
I give up to attend church because of the feeling of boring,
I give up to share testimony to people because of I care about people mind,
I give up to write latter to the Father,
because scare people around me come and talk something to me...

Doing right always make people uncomfortable,
it is a hard way if you choose to do right thing,
people hate do right thing person,
people always thought that they are "hidung tinggi",
but actually they are not "hidung tinggi"...
They just want to do RIGHT thing....
Why cannot..........

I like vampire, no more feeling inside my heart,
where is love in this world,
everything cold cold one,
very uncomfortable...

I am sorry, i not really want to be selfish,
it is the situation force me to be selfish.
It is reality world, I no choice...

I hate you all say "sherene, very selfish"...
Father help me, I don't want to be selfish, help me kill the Satan inside my heart, I don't want up n down every time. I don't like angry until the whole heart is shaking, it is very uncomfortable, I feel suffer to have this kind of feeling. Just a small matter only, but I always feel angry until my body start shaking, until I feel I want start crying. Plaese I don't want to angry. Please I don't want...

Reality Life

Life is very reality,
I am so tired to face the reality life,
Why people always cannot love one another?
What is inside their heart and their mind?
I really hope that I can read and i can know all people heart...

Always thought that everything inside my heart will be same with others,
Because we same
We are human,
We come from a same place,
We create by a same person and with a same thing,
What i have everyone also have,
But why we are different?
I am finding the answer?

From our external body,
We have ears, we can listen to people.
We have eyes, we can sight for everything.
We have hand, we can do our work with efficiency.
We have foot, we can go to everywhere.
We have a mouth, we can talk.
We have a nose, we can smell for everything.

Form our internal body,
We have blood, so we are still live.
We have heart, so our blood can move and send oxygen to our brain.
We have brain, so we have emotion.
We have spirit, so we know what should we do and not to do.

Pastor, Leader, Teacher, even our Parents....
They always tell us God is a great Man, a powerful Man in the world,
He is a winner for everything,
But why he loss the satan,
Why satan success to change human become so reality,
Why the world can be broken by him,
Why God don't want directly terminate satan,
Why He just let the satan continue to broken our world,

I talk to the Father louder and louder, until i shout to Him,
You are our winner,
Please catch the satan,
Please tie the satan with the rope made of hemp,
Please tie the satan tightly and tightly,
Don't let him come out from Your hand,
Only You can see him, can know where is his location,
Only You are able to do so......
Show the satan Your power,
We have fear to the Lord, satan also need,
he need to fear to the Lord as well....
Don't let he control us again.......

I am angry with all thing,
I am angry with him every time,
I am try to terminate him,
I want to clear all the satan and all the satan baby,
I hate him deeper and deeper,
I will not allow him to win my soul, my family soul, all my friend soul...
I won't stupid like others, they are afraid the satan, but i never...
never and never afraid him,

Satan, listen to me,
I am scolding you all the time,
share all of your bad thing to people,
I am gossip u all the time,
I tell people how you broken my life,
you are very clever, you make near to you, give me every good thing,
after that only use my soul to do the bad thing....
this time I learn to not use by you,
you have no more right to control me again and again....

HUMAN LIFE....

I am soooo miss KL, my another home,
one month already, but i still feel time move too slow already,
people like to say time flies, but i like to say time move like turtle,
i cant wait to go back there,
everyday i look at the facebook, saw all my church member's activities,
sooooo sweet their memory,
everyday they have different topic to talk,
everyday they go different place,
i am so jealous about it....

3 months here,
sound like a very short peroid, but why i feel so long?

Here i feel lonely;

Here i feel sad;

Here i feel hurt;

Here i feel struggle;

Here i feel disappoint;

Here i feel i am crazy;

Clubing, Pub, Disco, Karaoke........
People like to happy hour there,
then do wrong thing there.
But we always cant understand, why they want to spoil their life,
actually have reason one, but just an excuse:
Life is BORING;
Life is STRESS;
Life is DIFFICULTY;
Life is HOPELESS;
Life is REALITY;
Life is NOT MEANINGFUL......

Because an excuse, spoil their WHOLE LIFE!
DESERVE?
I feel sad, some of them still young like me,
I am so lucky, because somebody up there is always watching over me and protect me.
Hope that all this people can also be like me, but I am unable to tell them the truth,
I no dare to tell them, actually...
Life Is Not That Bad;
Life Is Interesting;
Life Is enjoyable;
Life Is Full Of Colour;
Life Is A Great Expereince;
Everyone only have once chance to get this expereince, u know?


Father, I thank You so much,
I am grateful and i want to be better,
I don't want disappoint You,
Please bless me wisdom like KING SOLOMON,
So that I can always know what is right and what is wrong,
So that I can always make a right DECISION,
So that i won't spoil my life,
Just like what You say:
" but all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm"...
Ya, I will listen to You,
Will open out my heart to let Your great presence touch,
Will open out my both ears to listen You,
Will open out my both eyes to search You,
Will use my nose to smell You as well =D

I give thanks to You.............

Dear my Heavenly Daddy

I am sorry Daddy,
I ask for your forgiveness,
I ask for Your mercy,
Please forgive me,
I know that You have Your plan for me,
I know that I shouldn't have doubt on You,
I know that I shouldn't angry with my pastor jiejie,
I know that I should respect my spiritual leader
I know that I should respect my pastor,
I know that I must have faith on You,
I know that I shouldn't think negative,
I know that I shouldn't self-pity,
I know that I shouldn't be emotional,
I know that I should be positive,
Please listen to me,
I need your listening,
I am scare, I am worry, I am sad,.........
I have a very heavy burden, feel pressure,
Teach me how to surrender myself to You,
Please talk to me,
I promise i will cool down and listen You...
Please tell me what should I do, what I shouldn't do,
Show me the way that You has been plan for me......


For Your Little Child
Sherene

I am pressure, I am helpless.....

I not really want to feel angry with my pastor jiejie one,

but i can't control myself, she make me disappoint...

I also don't know why, when i need people advices they are not with me...

I find pastor here, he is not here,

i call my dad doctor, he not answering my call,

i find uncle, uncle not there,

i message pastor jiejie, she no reply me....

i feel suffer, i feel helpless, i have heavy burden, i scare this kind of feeling...

my mum asking me, whether she need to bring my dad go hospital for the operation or wait for the report first, ask me to comfort my dad, ask me to call my dad doctor to get more detail information, ask me this and that.... i really don't know how to answer her, i feel pressure. i don't know make decision for them, but they like to ask me... this time i really no have any wisdom to help, i am weak, i am very fan...

i am helpless, why God give me authority like this, i think i still young what, i still unable to give advice to my parents...

please help me, i really feel pressure, i scare to face everything,

Father Lord, can you please help my mum directly, give her wisdom directly, please don't use my body again, i am pressure, i am their child, not the parent, i cant make sure that my decision is right or wrong. i scare, really scare... i love my dad also, i know that the operation is good for him, but i don't know when is the right time for him to get operation.

Father, please take away my anger, i don't want to angry my pastor jiejie,

i know that it is unfair for her, but why she like to promise me that she will stand with me when i need her support, she promise me then when i need her listen she will not with me... i am hurt when i put hope to talk to her, not so easy for me to open my heart and speak. every time she make me feel disappoint.... not free not free...

why i sooooooo stupid, i choose to talk with this kind of people....

i am pressure, pressure and pressure......

please help me, Father......

please....

sherene is weak now, i need you.....

no peace inside my heart.....

T.T

My Decision

One day trip from KL to Pulau Ketam,
now i only know....
it is sooooooo tired.

Yesterday i went back to my hometown to visit my family and told told with my dad,
they were soooo happy to see me.
But they were different now,
my mum looked like old a little bit already because of too much thing she was worry about,
my dad looked weak some more,
my house like lack of something,
i felt sad....

Around 12pm i arrived my home,
i taken my lunch with my dad,
one more time again, i saw him cant eat well...
i asked him to eat more, he said no appetite to eat.
He made me no more appetite to eat also.

After eating we chat chat with each other,
he told many many things,
i asked him how he was feeling now?
He just keep on telling ok, he was felt ok, asked me need not to worry about him,
before i wanted to ask i already knew he will answer me like that one.

When he was took a short nap,
i told with my mum, she was sad, worry, her shoulder was too heavy, too much of burden she caring, she told to she can't explain to me her feeling. My heart was super pain at that time, inside my heart i keep on praying to the Lord, asked help from Him. Because of my home was super busy at that time, so i got no much time to told with my mum. she was working then i stay at home accompany my dad.

I felt can't control my heart to stay ignore everything, really tak boleh tahan already,
then i prepare my heart and pray for wisdom, so that i can told well with my dad without hurt his heart, i went and ask my dad again, i tell him i knew he was ill me, knew he felt not really well, knew he was worry about himself also, just don't want us worry about him, so keep in his heart. I encouraged him to accept the operation and wash his blood, at beginning he was really reject me, but i continuous to tell him all the information i get from people, i share the testimony which from Genting church's pastor. I tell him, I love him and also love my family sooooo much, i cant without them, i need them, i scare, i worry and also sad everyday and night, felt like unsecured. Hope he can understood. I wish that they can see my future, wish to build a better life for them.....

After talking, i saw my dad's eyes red red got tear, then only he told me his feeling,
he said he felt scare everyday, i scare he will lost his lives. He said the only thing he worry was one day when the body can't support too much of poison, then he may fall down and leave us quietly. I heart was crying when hear all this thing, i really suffer in the sadness. I control my tear and then scold him, tell him do not to think too much. Once he accepted the operation, he will be safe. we told and told and told... until time came, and i need to go back KL, before i went back i asked my dad promise me to do the operation. Then he promise me.

On the way to KL, i was sooooo down, i can't tell my mum anything that my dad was telling me just now. If let my mum know, I'm sure that she will tak boleh tahan already. so, i choose to keep it, but i felt sad. Until i felt really tak boleh tahan already, I plan to go my cell leader-Grace house and tell her all this thing, wish to tell her all my decision. i plan to donate my kidney to my dad, but not now, maybe 3 or 5 years later, i need some time to settle something, like finish my study, support my younger sister for their tuition fee. One more i worry were, I was AB shape blood and my dad was A or B shape blood. i was sure he not AB shape, i scare that i can't donate to him. So, i plan to pray for it, hope my leader can also help me to pray for it. I need her support. So that when time come i will not feel scare or regret. After donated i wanted to share my testimony to many many people, wish to support all the kidney failure patient, hope that they won't give up hope... I wish to ask her accompany me go hospital get some detail information and check check something, but when i reach her house i cant speak to her everything, even face to face talk with her i can't feel difficult. So, finally i didn't talk everything.

Maybe i still feel confuse, my take it as my secret thing so i not really want to tell. But the other side, i really wish to let her know, i know that she got her way to comfort me. she can make me feel happy when i am unhappy. Though she won't be a sweet sweet jiejie for me, but she will kacau me again and again. When she kacau me i will feel every sadness inside heart disappear already. Maybe i am too angry, until forget everything gua...

I don't why i have a stronger heart to donate my kidney to my dad. But i really prepare my heart to go and donate, so will pray everyday. i want to keep my stronger heart, so that in future i have dare to donate my kidney.

My dad need healing

Dear my heavenly daddy:

My dad report is not good, the point of the report reach around 780++ something already, doctor sad quite seriously...
So, my mum is very sad, everyday she worry about my dad... I wish to help them, but i unable to help, the only thing i can do is pray for them, but i dunno why? I still feel not enough, i feel that im helpless... I feel sad when my mum told me dactor ask her bring my dad do operation, but my my mum worry about my dad not allow... Last time he told my my mum if my mum sign the argreement, then he will jump from the top of the building. So, everyone of us also feel worry about him,...

I think the report will become like is because of the CNY. During CNY my dad eat a lot of seafood, and he stop to take the medicine for a quite long time. Maybe, the chinese medicine not suitable also, because one of my dad's fren also like my dad, they went Thailand together last time. After taking the herb, the report got better for few months only, not get wound even more than before. And now, he is going to Cina to replace a new kidney. Only the kidney, he need to pay RM 190 thousand, plus the operation free and also the medicine, i think around RM300 thousand something...

Too expensive already, we really cant afford.

I hope that God can show me miracle again, and give me more time to comfort my dad, and ask him to accept to the operation, and wash his blood. It is good for him, i know that finally he also have to choose this way one, just the timing not yet come only... But i still need more time to comfort him, i know that it is difficult for him to accept... But, he should know all of his children still young, we need him more...

Father Lord, sherene worry about my dad, really... But i have to strong, i need to comfort my mum heart, i need to support her... everytime she call me and talk me then crying on the phone, my heart will feel pain, but i have to control myself... They don't know, actually i also sad, i also wish to cry louder like them...

Please help me heal my dad's kidney, support me...
I need You, my dad, my mum and my whole family need You, Father

From Your little believer,
Sherene

Genting life is soooo boring

soooo sein leh,
i really cant tahan to stay here already,
very boring...
everyday i miss all my friends, they are so happy there, sad......

every time people ask me where are you now? then i answer that i am at Genting now, 3 months training here, all of them will say: "wow! soooo best working there, everything also good, the weather, the environment, the theme park, the salary and wat wat wat la..."
then i will say last time i also say like that ya!
but now i regret, really regret,..
working at here is super boring, no more friends here, then everything also expensive, everything also got limited... for short term you will say good la, but for long term you really cant tahan la...

cold make people feel comfortable,
but cold also make people easy to get sick...
your skin, your eyes, your lip will become dry,
especially gastric, cold weather make people easier get gastric...

please don't think that Genting is soooo good, only get benefit...
inside there also got disadvantages one...

this is a place for us to enjoy not for working,
we can come for enjoy the cold weather, the shopping centre, the theme park and others entertainment here la. but working here really not suitable, too many low have to follow, too boring in this place...

hope that time can move more faster, so that i can go back as soon as possible...

Gastric..... then miracle show me again at the hospital

walao!!! so painful...
want to die already...
now only i know, how bad to get sick at Genting here,
really sooooo "CHAM".....
last three days i gastric again, whole day and whole night i pain, no stop...
after took medicine, i still felt pain..
at that moment felt life was going to end now, so uncomfortable i felt...
second day i went consult doctor and told him i gastric for whole day and night, but he just gave me so medicine and one day MC. After took the medicine, i still felt pain, that pain was became more and more serious, don't know how to explain, really pain...
The only thing i can do was cry and shout louder and louder...
next day, i consult doctor again...
then the doctor wanted me stay there for "gantung air"...
oh, no! so scary man... the needle was so long, sure very pain to put in my hand. i was sooooo scare, wish to run away, but my stomach don't want me move, when i move it will feel super super pain again...
i close my eyes, then pray and pray....
suddenly doctor told me finish already, the needle was inside my hand already.
Wow! totally no more feeling when he put the needle to my hand wo. i thanks a lot to God... really, He covered my pain, so that i won't feel pain at all =p

but in process of that i felt my hand was super super pain la...
my left hand tak ada rasa already...
i wait and wait, why the water so slow, how long i have to pain?
i wait until i slept and met my church member in my dream, soooo sweet the dream...
suddenly i wake up because of some sound,
oh, a woman get birth baby here,
she looked scary,
white white colour face, her big big eyes was look at me, and her mouth got blood leh.
I thought she was bite her tongue when she felt pain, so got blood came out from her mouth...
she was pensang already, the husband was very worry about his wife...

the woman was in the very dangerous situation, i heard doctor told to others doctor and nurse :"please don't let her die, if the women die all of us have to go code and meeting there"...
then some of the Malay nurse are pray for her and talk to the woman :"adik! bagun la, anak dah besar, tak sayang anak dalam perut ke? cepat cepat bagun, adik.... "
oh. no... i felt pity on that woman la,
the baby was very big already, hope that God can protect her and her baby...
i started pray for her, i pray and pray...
until nothing to pray, so i continue praying in spirit...
suddenly, the woman wake up and asked doctor help her, her sound very weak, but all people there were very happy, feel like got hope already...
i also very happy, happy until i forgot my pain already. Thanks a lot to God.

i continuous to pray for her,
finally she was sending to another big big hospital to get birth the baby,
hope that they were safe. Don't know how about them now?
if can i wish to go that hospital visit her and her baby,
but i think i got no more this chance gua,
the only think i can do is pray for them la...
hope that the baby is a healthy baby....

i ask God again, why He want to send a baby to this world by this way?
the mother almost lost her live...
i cant understand...
it make me feel fear, suddenly feel homesick, wish to meet with my mum,
i can imagine that 20 years ago, my mum also like that...
her live also at the very dangerous situation, but she is brave.
Finally i was born....
I thanks God that take care on me and my mum, though that time both of us still don't know Him...
Our mother is a great woman in this world.

Please Help Me

Suddenly got many many sin upon me jor...
i tell ill everyday,
i went Pub and drink alcohol,
i become lazy to go church,
i feel easy to get angry,
i cant control my emotion,
i hurt people heart more frequent than last time,
i feel hate with my sister in Christ,
many many confusing in my heart,

Oh, no~~~
Why become like that, that is not what i want...
i don't know how to go back to the kingdom of God.........

Letter To My Heavenly Daddy

Dear my heavenly Father,

Sherene have something want to talk,
i don't why? i feel soooo angry with my church member, i can't let go that feeling, i feel so sad...
i love them sooooo much, so i ask myself don't be angry, everything just a test from Satan.
But finally i feel angry at all, my feeling make me feel hate all of them, even though somebody are love me more than i love them. But because of that hurt, i not really want to meet with them.
i like my pastor and my leader sooooo much, they are the person who care me and treat me as their own sister. They are no hurt me at all, but i feel don't like to meet with them. i don't know my mind was thinking about what? That feeling make me tell ill to people and also ponteng church again and again. After ponteng church i feel guilty, that feeling lagi teruk....

Everyday i counsel myself, tell myself can't be like that again and again... but can't use also!
every night i pray :"Father, please take away my anger, i want mercy, i need Your peace and joy, i want to be Your good daugther, i need Your counsel..." Sometime the feeling will disappear, but sometime the picture will show me again and again....

i really feel sad. I am confuse, i know that my heart want to go church, but my body not really want to go. People told me before, She say we have to listen our heart, not to follow our feeling. Sound like very easy, but actually very hard, i can't do it...

please help me, father.....
that is only way which is telling You and surrender to You,....

From little be lover Child of God

Story Of A Cleaner

Yesterday, after finish working i went walk walk around all the shop here,
i went and measure my body weight,
WALAO!!! so sad, i add 2 kg again....
Oh, No~~~~ no eye to see already,no choice i have to go for gym already,
if no, i cant imagine after three months here,how big i will be...
Charmiane and i make decision to go gym everyday, around 8 pm we reach our hostel,
then we prepared and go gym lo...
around 10pm we came back from there,
after bathed, only notice that soooooo many many dirty cloches not yet wash,
so sad, feel tired but cant sleep...
Charmaine said she feel lazy to go laundry, so she wanted to watch movie at room,
i went there alone, when i was waiting for the washing machine,i saw a India woman beside me,
she was looked me again and again, i feel weird but scare to ask...
suddenly, my heart feel wanted told with her...
so, i try to find topic to told...
i saw her finger, wow!! soooo dry...
then i hold her hand and said :"wa, akak... why your hand is soooo kering, dry until your skin terkeluar already, you feel pain o not? Aiyoyo, must use more and more lotion already..." then she hang jor, im soooo paiser... because her big big eye was looked on me, after few more second only she told me..."ah mui i am working as a cleaner, akak no baca so no enak enak kerja,..." she told me all about her life, and told me she feel touch will me, no everyone will told to her even touch her hand or hold her hand... so sad, cleaner also a great person in our life leh, without them how bad environment we have, whose know? everyone ignore them, and look down on them, make them feel pity, life is soooo reality...
so i told to akak, "my name is Sherene, meaning peace.. start today you have to remember one thing forever which is inside Sherene's heart your are a good mother for your children, a good wife for your husband and a great person inside my heart, when i walk around the kaki lima, i will always think on you, when i go to toilet i think on you again, all the besih besih area i see i will always think on you, because all the places was cleaned by you... "

we are soooo lucky and happiness...really, even our parents also, they are not a cleaner, we not need feel self pity like the kakak children, i am proud that my parents are businessman, if my dad is a fisherman i also feel proud, at least we have our own boat for our own business.... i believe that one day her children will touching by her mother heart, and know that the mother is soooo great.. pray that they will have a happiness life in their future, no more finance problem for them.
Everyone also know ma, when children small and young, everything will be ok one, when a children start to grow from secondary school to college, oh no, parents will headache everyday, so hope that no more finance problem facing by them la....

That all my story~~~~

A High Class Cleaner

What do you feel during working time? stress, boring, busy, sad because scolding by your boss?
let me talk a joke to everyone la =p
yesterday i became a super star oh,
i went work with my bucket, so funny, rite?
actually not purposely one..
i just shifted to Genting Highland for my 3 months industry training,
i found that my hostel is sooooo lousy, everything also don't have, so i terpaksa went back my hostel and bring some daily need to there..

before i started travel from my cell leader house, i feel paiser to went out,
i was looked soooo weird, i was wearing my format shirt with normal make up style, then bring along my bag bag and bucket bucket... walao! sooooo weird la, really!
i cant imagine that when i reach there how people look at me...
i kept on asking my leader, am i look weird? but she told me:" nola, its ok what, not so weird la" but she told me with her smiles face, feel that she was controlled herself to not laugh at me...

after that, we wait my pastor at car park there. then she sent to bus station. when we reach there, she also asked me about the bucket. you known i feel super paiser when she asked:" erm, whose bucket so funny de?" then i looked my leader again, she look suffer leh, you all know why? because she wanted to laugh at me, but scared i feel angry, so no choice she have to control herself. walao, really so pai....ser la!!!! don't know how to explain, at that time i was worry about later how i go in to my hostel, because i have to go through a hotel and a shopping complex, there will be super many people leh. this time really "cham"

when i just came down from bus, i found that got soooo many many eyes was looked in me, then laugh at me, including myself also, i also cant stop myself to not laugh, because i really look funny. just like a super high class cleaner. suddenly feel proud, because when people saw me then they laugh at me, mean i bring joy to them leh. so what to be a high class cleaner? though very funny i look, but people are joyful when saw me.

that will be my sweet memory and experience also, i have to take some picture then remember it forever...

hope that people feel happy when reading my blog la =p

Come Back to Wangsa Maju

Good to come back Wangsa Maju...
Can meet with all my dearest friend, my church member, my pastor...
Feel very comfortable at here, warm warm one, not that cold....
Feel very "bu se te" to go back Genting, but i have to go back also, i need to continue my industry training there... sad=(

but thanks God also la,
He really always caring me la,
everything i go smoothly since i accept Christ...
just now i take lunch with my Pastor- Ps Jadeline...
she is a very nice lady, really...
she let me know "what is love", teach me many many thing,care me and concern me, she is my perfect jiejie forever...
i really give thanks that i get know this jiejie...
after lunch she talk me that she can send me to bus station on Saturday morning,
I'm so touch with it..
hey man, my bus ticket is 7am leh, mean i have to arrive there before 7am...
my jiejie have to wake up super early and send me to bus station...
I'm so "bu se te" leh...

actually i plan to curi curi go back Genting one,
but suddenly raining heavily wo...
so i have no more choice, i need to "ma fan" again...
I'm so sorry jiejie...
but honestly wish to let you know,
I'm sooooo touching...
i also very happy that i can join our section gathering,
long time no see our cell member already =p
thank you so much.....