One day trip from KL to Pulau Ketam,
now i only know....
it is sooooooo tired.
Yesterday i went back to my hometown to visit my family and told told with my dad,
they were soooo happy to see me.
But they were different now,
my mum looked like old a little bit already because of too much thing she was worry about,
my dad looked weak some more,
my house like lack of something,
i felt sad....
Around 12pm i arrived my home,
i taken my lunch with my dad,
one more time again, i saw him cant eat well...
i asked him to eat more, he said no appetite to eat.
He made me no more appetite to eat also.
After eating we chat chat with each other,
he told many many things,
i asked him how he was feeling now?
He just keep on telling ok, he was felt ok, asked me need not to worry about him,
before i wanted to ask i already knew he will answer me like that one.
When he was took a short nap,
i told with my mum, she was sad, worry, her shoulder was too heavy, too much of burden she caring, she told to she can't explain to me her feeling. My heart was super pain at that time, inside my heart i keep on praying to the Lord, asked help from Him. Because of my home was super busy at that time, so i got no much time to told with my mum. she was working then i stay at home accompany my dad.
I felt can't control my heart to stay ignore everything, really tak boleh tahan already,
then i prepare my heart and pray for wisdom, so that i can told well with my dad without hurt his heart, i went and ask my dad again, i tell him i knew he was ill me, knew he felt not really well, knew he was worry about himself also, just don't want us worry about him, so keep in his heart. I encouraged him to accept the operation and wash his blood, at beginning he was really reject me, but i continuous to tell him all the information i get from people, i share the testimony which from Genting church's pastor. I tell him, I love him and also love my family sooooo much, i cant without them, i need them, i scare, i worry and also sad everyday and night, felt like unsecured. Hope he can understood. I wish that they can see my future, wish to build a better life for them.....
After talking, i saw my dad's eyes red red got tear, then only he told me his feeling,
he said he felt scare everyday, i scare he will lost his lives. He said the only thing he worry was one day when the body can't support too much of poison, then he may fall down and leave us quietly. I heart was crying when hear all this thing, i really suffer in the sadness. I control my tear and then scold him, tell him do not to think too much. Once he accepted the operation, he will be safe. we told and told and told... until time came, and i need to go back KL, before i went back i asked my dad promise me to do the operation. Then he promise me.
On the way to KL, i was sooooo down, i can't tell my mum anything that my dad was telling me just now. If let my mum know, I'm sure that she will tak boleh tahan already. so, i choose to keep it, but i felt sad. Until i felt really tak boleh tahan already, I plan to go my cell leader-Grace house and tell her all this thing, wish to tell her all my decision. i plan to donate my kidney to my dad, but not now, maybe 3 or 5 years later, i need some time to settle something, like finish my study, support my younger sister for their tuition fee. One more i worry were, I was AB shape blood and my dad was A or B shape blood. i was sure he not AB shape, i scare that i can't donate to him. So, i plan to pray for it, hope my leader can also help me to pray for it. I need her support. So that when time come i will not feel scare or regret. After donated i wanted to share my testimony to many many people, wish to support all the kidney failure patient, hope that they won't give up hope... I wish to ask her accompany me go hospital get some detail information and check check something, but when i reach her house i cant speak to her everything, even face to face talk with her i can't feel difficult. So, finally i didn't talk everything.
now i only know....
it is sooooooo tired.
Yesterday i went back to my hometown to visit my family and told told with my dad,
they were soooo happy to see me.
But they were different now,
my mum looked like old a little bit already because of too much thing she was worry about,
my dad looked weak some more,
my house like lack of something,
i felt sad....
Around 12pm i arrived my home,
i taken my lunch with my dad,
one more time again, i saw him cant eat well...
i asked him to eat more, he said no appetite to eat.
He made me no more appetite to eat also.
After eating we chat chat with each other,
he told many many things,
i asked him how he was feeling now?
He just keep on telling ok, he was felt ok, asked me need not to worry about him,
before i wanted to ask i already knew he will answer me like that one.
When he was took a short nap,
i told with my mum, she was sad, worry, her shoulder was too heavy, too much of burden she caring, she told to she can't explain to me her feeling. My heart was super pain at that time, inside my heart i keep on praying to the Lord, asked help from Him. Because of my home was super busy at that time, so i got no much time to told with my mum. she was working then i stay at home accompany my dad.
I felt can't control my heart to stay ignore everything, really tak boleh tahan already,
then i prepare my heart and pray for wisdom, so that i can told well with my dad without hurt his heart, i went and ask my dad again, i tell him i knew he was ill me, knew he felt not really well, knew he was worry about himself also, just don't want us worry about him, so keep in his heart. I encouraged him to accept the operation and wash his blood, at beginning he was really reject me, but i continuous to tell him all the information i get from people, i share the testimony which from Genting church's pastor. I tell him, I love him and also love my family sooooo much, i cant without them, i need them, i scare, i worry and also sad everyday and night, felt like unsecured. Hope he can understood. I wish that they can see my future, wish to build a better life for them.....
After talking, i saw my dad's eyes red red got tear, then only he told me his feeling,
he said he felt scare everyday, i scare he will lost his lives. He said the only thing he worry was one day when the body can't support too much of poison, then he may fall down and leave us quietly. I heart was crying when hear all this thing, i really suffer in the sadness. I control my tear and then scold him, tell him do not to think too much. Once he accepted the operation, he will be safe. we told and told and told... until time came, and i need to go back KL, before i went back i asked my dad promise me to do the operation. Then he promise me.
On the way to KL, i was sooooo down, i can't tell my mum anything that my dad was telling me just now. If let my mum know, I'm sure that she will tak boleh tahan already. so, i choose to keep it, but i felt sad. Until i felt really tak boleh tahan already, I plan to go my cell leader-Grace house and tell her all this thing, wish to tell her all my decision. i plan to donate my kidney to my dad, but not now, maybe 3 or 5 years later, i need some time to settle something, like finish my study, support my younger sister for their tuition fee. One more i worry were, I was AB shape blood and my dad was A or B shape blood. i was sure he not AB shape, i scare that i can't donate to him. So, i plan to pray for it, hope my leader can also help me to pray for it. I need her support. So that when time come i will not feel scare or regret. After donated i wanted to share my testimony to many many people, wish to support all the kidney failure patient, hope that they won't give up hope... I wish to ask her accompany me go hospital get some detail information and check check something, but when i reach her house i cant speak to her everything, even face to face talk with her i can't feel difficult. So, finally i didn't talk everything.
Maybe i still feel confuse, my take it as my secret thing so i not really want to tell. But the other side, i really wish to let her know, i know that she got her way to comfort me. she can make me feel happy when i am unhappy. Though she won't be a sweet sweet jiejie for me, but she will kacau me again and again. When she kacau me i will feel every sadness inside heart disappear already. Maybe i am too angry, until forget everything gua...
I don't why i have a stronger heart to donate my kidney to my dad. But i really prepare my heart to go and donate, so will pray everyday. i want to keep my stronger heart, so that in future i have dare to donate my kidney.
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