I am Disappointed...

I am totally give up, disappointed and also sad and down, until I cannot control myself not to do something which is I don’t want to do one…
Who can help me??? Don’t know why I do that? Don’t know what situation I stand? I hate myself to be like that, but how come I cannot control myself? I know that I life is perfect but how come I don’t give thanks. I know that complaint is not good, I still complain and complain never stop…


Inside my heart have a very not nice feeling, got feeling of rejection, feeling of angry, and feeling of hate…
I am touch with this story which is given by pastor jade and grace…

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky in each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two set of footprints, other time there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the lord, “you promised me Lord, that if I follow you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most sad and down periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I need u most, you have not been there for me?”
The lord replied, “My child, the times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, that is WHEN I CARRIED YOU.”


1ST time I read this story I won’t feel anything, just now that it is a very meaningful story. But why 2nd time I read it will be this kind of feeling? That story like talking about me. God if u really carried me, why I cannot feel it?
I am so sorry that I always complaint, i know that i should give thanks to God….
But it is me… I also hope that I can change, but it is not that easy…

i am sad... :(