Am I Changes Already????

Suddenly feel weird,
why I not miss all of my friends already,
where are them?
Everyday saw them at Facebook and MSN,
but why i not that happy to meet them there,
why i not curious to know more about them,
I thought I miss them so much,
but why I have no more topic to talk with them...

Inside my heart appear a little Satan,
he always control my emotion,
he make me feel hate with every body here,
make me always reject people,
make easier to feel jealous,
make me up and down every time,
make me become selfish,
make me tell lie, seriously lie...
sometime make me ignore my Heavenly Father,

I am sorry, I not that strong,
all of my plan cannot go on,
I give up to fasting because of my part time job,
I give up to continue read my bible day by day because of some unacceptable excuse,
I give up to attend church because of the feeling of boring,
I give up to share testimony to people because of I care about people mind,
I give up to write latter to the Father,
because scare people around me come and talk something to me...

Doing right always make people uncomfortable,
it is a hard way if you choose to do right thing,
people hate do right thing person,
people always thought that they are "hidung tinggi",
but actually they are not "hidung tinggi"...
They just want to do RIGHT thing....
Why cannot..........

I like vampire, no more feeling inside my heart,
where is love in this world,
everything cold cold one,
very uncomfortable...

I am sorry, i not really want to be selfish,
it is the situation force me to be selfish.
It is reality world, I no choice...

I hate you all say "sherene, very selfish"...
Father help me, I don't want to be selfish, help me kill the Satan inside my heart, I don't want up n down every time. I don't like angry until the whole heart is shaking, it is very uncomfortable, I feel suffer to have this kind of feeling. Just a small matter only, but I always feel angry until my body start shaking, until I feel I want start crying. Plaese I don't want to angry. Please I don't want...

Reality Life

Life is very reality,
I am so tired to face the reality life,
Why people always cannot love one another?
What is inside their heart and their mind?
I really hope that I can read and i can know all people heart...

Always thought that everything inside my heart will be same with others,
Because we same
We are human,
We come from a same place,
We create by a same person and with a same thing,
What i have everyone also have,
But why we are different?
I am finding the answer?

From our external body,
We have ears, we can listen to people.
We have eyes, we can sight for everything.
We have hand, we can do our work with efficiency.
We have foot, we can go to everywhere.
We have a mouth, we can talk.
We have a nose, we can smell for everything.

Form our internal body,
We have blood, so we are still live.
We have heart, so our blood can move and send oxygen to our brain.
We have brain, so we have emotion.
We have spirit, so we know what should we do and not to do.

Pastor, Leader, Teacher, even our Parents....
They always tell us God is a great Man, a powerful Man in the world,
He is a winner for everything,
But why he loss the satan,
Why satan success to change human become so reality,
Why the world can be broken by him,
Why God don't want directly terminate satan,
Why He just let the satan continue to broken our world,

I talk to the Father louder and louder, until i shout to Him,
You are our winner,
Please catch the satan,
Please tie the satan with the rope made of hemp,
Please tie the satan tightly and tightly,
Don't let him come out from Your hand,
Only You can see him, can know where is his location,
Only You are able to do so......
Show the satan Your power,
We have fear to the Lord, satan also need,
he need to fear to the Lord as well....
Don't let he control us again.......

I am angry with all thing,
I am angry with him every time,
I am try to terminate him,
I want to clear all the satan and all the satan baby,
I hate him deeper and deeper,
I will not allow him to win my soul, my family soul, all my friend soul...
I won't stupid like others, they are afraid the satan, but i never...
never and never afraid him,

Satan, listen to me,
I am scolding you all the time,
share all of your bad thing to people,
I am gossip u all the time,
I tell people how you broken my life,
you are very clever, you make near to you, give me every good thing,
after that only use my soul to do the bad thing....
this time I learn to not use by you,
you have no more right to control me again and again....

HUMAN LIFE....

I am soooo miss KL, my another home,
one month already, but i still feel time move too slow already,
people like to say time flies, but i like to say time move like turtle,
i cant wait to go back there,
everyday i look at the facebook, saw all my church member's activities,
sooooo sweet their memory,
everyday they have different topic to talk,
everyday they go different place,
i am so jealous about it....

3 months here,
sound like a very short peroid, but why i feel so long?

Here i feel lonely;

Here i feel sad;

Here i feel hurt;

Here i feel struggle;

Here i feel disappoint;

Here i feel i am crazy;

Clubing, Pub, Disco, Karaoke........
People like to happy hour there,
then do wrong thing there.
But we always cant understand, why they want to spoil their life,
actually have reason one, but just an excuse:
Life is BORING;
Life is STRESS;
Life is DIFFICULTY;
Life is HOPELESS;
Life is REALITY;
Life is NOT MEANINGFUL......

Because an excuse, spoil their WHOLE LIFE!
DESERVE?
I feel sad, some of them still young like me,
I am so lucky, because somebody up there is always watching over me and protect me.
Hope that all this people can also be like me, but I am unable to tell them the truth,
I no dare to tell them, actually...
Life Is Not That Bad;
Life Is Interesting;
Life Is enjoyable;
Life Is Full Of Colour;
Life Is A Great Expereince;
Everyone only have once chance to get this expereince, u know?


Father, I thank You so much,
I am grateful and i want to be better,
I don't want disappoint You,
Please bless me wisdom like KING SOLOMON,
So that I can always know what is right and what is wrong,
So that I can always make a right DECISION,
So that i won't spoil my life,
Just like what You say:
" but all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm"...
Ya, I will listen to You,
Will open out my heart to let Your great presence touch,
Will open out my both ears to listen You,
Will open out my both eyes to search You,
Will use my nose to smell You as well =D

I give thanks to You.............

Dear my Heavenly Daddy

I am sorry Daddy,
I ask for your forgiveness,
I ask for Your mercy,
Please forgive me,
I know that You have Your plan for me,
I know that I shouldn't have doubt on You,
I know that I shouldn't angry with my pastor jiejie,
I know that I should respect my spiritual leader
I know that I should respect my pastor,
I know that I must have faith on You,
I know that I shouldn't think negative,
I know that I shouldn't self-pity,
I know that I shouldn't be emotional,
I know that I should be positive,
Please listen to me,
I need your listening,
I am scare, I am worry, I am sad,.........
I have a very heavy burden, feel pressure,
Teach me how to surrender myself to You,
Please talk to me,
I promise i will cool down and listen You...
Please tell me what should I do, what I shouldn't do,
Show me the way that You has been plan for me......


For Your Little Child
Sherene

I am pressure, I am helpless.....

I not really want to feel angry with my pastor jiejie one,

but i can't control myself, she make me disappoint...

I also don't know why, when i need people advices they are not with me...

I find pastor here, he is not here,

i call my dad doctor, he not answering my call,

i find uncle, uncle not there,

i message pastor jiejie, she no reply me....

i feel suffer, i feel helpless, i have heavy burden, i scare this kind of feeling...

my mum asking me, whether she need to bring my dad go hospital for the operation or wait for the report first, ask me to comfort my dad, ask me to call my dad doctor to get more detail information, ask me this and that.... i really don't know how to answer her, i feel pressure. i don't know make decision for them, but they like to ask me... this time i really no have any wisdom to help, i am weak, i am very fan...

i am helpless, why God give me authority like this, i think i still young what, i still unable to give advice to my parents...

please help me, i really feel pressure, i scare to face everything,

Father Lord, can you please help my mum directly, give her wisdom directly, please don't use my body again, i am pressure, i am their child, not the parent, i cant make sure that my decision is right or wrong. i scare, really scare... i love my dad also, i know that the operation is good for him, but i don't know when is the right time for him to get operation.

Father, please take away my anger, i don't want to angry my pastor jiejie,

i know that it is unfair for her, but why she like to promise me that she will stand with me when i need her support, she promise me then when i need her listen she will not with me... i am hurt when i put hope to talk to her, not so easy for me to open my heart and speak. every time she make me feel disappoint.... not free not free...

why i sooooooo stupid, i choose to talk with this kind of people....

i am pressure, pressure and pressure......

please help me, Father......

please....

sherene is weak now, i need you.....

no peace inside my heart.....

T.T

My Decision

One day trip from KL to Pulau Ketam,
now i only know....
it is sooooooo tired.

Yesterday i went back to my hometown to visit my family and told told with my dad,
they were soooo happy to see me.
But they were different now,
my mum looked like old a little bit already because of too much thing she was worry about,
my dad looked weak some more,
my house like lack of something,
i felt sad....

Around 12pm i arrived my home,
i taken my lunch with my dad,
one more time again, i saw him cant eat well...
i asked him to eat more, he said no appetite to eat.
He made me no more appetite to eat also.

After eating we chat chat with each other,
he told many many things,
i asked him how he was feeling now?
He just keep on telling ok, he was felt ok, asked me need not to worry about him,
before i wanted to ask i already knew he will answer me like that one.

When he was took a short nap,
i told with my mum, she was sad, worry, her shoulder was too heavy, too much of burden she caring, she told to she can't explain to me her feeling. My heart was super pain at that time, inside my heart i keep on praying to the Lord, asked help from Him. Because of my home was super busy at that time, so i got no much time to told with my mum. she was working then i stay at home accompany my dad.

I felt can't control my heart to stay ignore everything, really tak boleh tahan already,
then i prepare my heart and pray for wisdom, so that i can told well with my dad without hurt his heart, i went and ask my dad again, i tell him i knew he was ill me, knew he felt not really well, knew he was worry about himself also, just don't want us worry about him, so keep in his heart. I encouraged him to accept the operation and wash his blood, at beginning he was really reject me, but i continuous to tell him all the information i get from people, i share the testimony which from Genting church's pastor. I tell him, I love him and also love my family sooooo much, i cant without them, i need them, i scare, i worry and also sad everyday and night, felt like unsecured. Hope he can understood. I wish that they can see my future, wish to build a better life for them.....

After talking, i saw my dad's eyes red red got tear, then only he told me his feeling,
he said he felt scare everyday, i scare he will lost his lives. He said the only thing he worry was one day when the body can't support too much of poison, then he may fall down and leave us quietly. I heart was crying when hear all this thing, i really suffer in the sadness. I control my tear and then scold him, tell him do not to think too much. Once he accepted the operation, he will be safe. we told and told and told... until time came, and i need to go back KL, before i went back i asked my dad promise me to do the operation. Then he promise me.

On the way to KL, i was sooooo down, i can't tell my mum anything that my dad was telling me just now. If let my mum know, I'm sure that she will tak boleh tahan already. so, i choose to keep it, but i felt sad. Until i felt really tak boleh tahan already, I plan to go my cell leader-Grace house and tell her all this thing, wish to tell her all my decision. i plan to donate my kidney to my dad, but not now, maybe 3 or 5 years later, i need some time to settle something, like finish my study, support my younger sister for their tuition fee. One more i worry were, I was AB shape blood and my dad was A or B shape blood. i was sure he not AB shape, i scare that i can't donate to him. So, i plan to pray for it, hope my leader can also help me to pray for it. I need her support. So that when time come i will not feel scare or regret. After donated i wanted to share my testimony to many many people, wish to support all the kidney failure patient, hope that they won't give up hope... I wish to ask her accompany me go hospital get some detail information and check check something, but when i reach her house i cant speak to her everything, even face to face talk with her i can't feel difficult. So, finally i didn't talk everything.

Maybe i still feel confuse, my take it as my secret thing so i not really want to tell. But the other side, i really wish to let her know, i know that she got her way to comfort me. she can make me feel happy when i am unhappy. Though she won't be a sweet sweet jiejie for me, but she will kacau me again and again. When she kacau me i will feel every sadness inside heart disappear already. Maybe i am too angry, until forget everything gua...

I don't why i have a stronger heart to donate my kidney to my dad. But i really prepare my heart to go and donate, so will pray everyday. i want to keep my stronger heart, so that in future i have dare to donate my kidney.

My dad need healing

Dear my heavenly daddy:

My dad report is not good, the point of the report reach around 780++ something already, doctor sad quite seriously...
So, my mum is very sad, everyday she worry about my dad... I wish to help them, but i unable to help, the only thing i can do is pray for them, but i dunno why? I still feel not enough, i feel that im helpless... I feel sad when my mum told me dactor ask her bring my dad do operation, but my my mum worry about my dad not allow... Last time he told my my mum if my mum sign the argreement, then he will jump from the top of the building. So, everyone of us also feel worry about him,...

I think the report will become like is because of the CNY. During CNY my dad eat a lot of seafood, and he stop to take the medicine for a quite long time. Maybe, the chinese medicine not suitable also, because one of my dad's fren also like my dad, they went Thailand together last time. After taking the herb, the report got better for few months only, not get wound even more than before. And now, he is going to Cina to replace a new kidney. Only the kidney, he need to pay RM 190 thousand, plus the operation free and also the medicine, i think around RM300 thousand something...

Too expensive already, we really cant afford.

I hope that God can show me miracle again, and give me more time to comfort my dad, and ask him to accept to the operation, and wash his blood. It is good for him, i know that finally he also have to choose this way one, just the timing not yet come only... But i still need more time to comfort him, i know that it is difficult for him to accept... But, he should know all of his children still young, we need him more...

Father Lord, sherene worry about my dad, really... But i have to strong, i need to comfort my mum heart, i need to support her... everytime she call me and talk me then crying on the phone, my heart will feel pain, but i have to control myself... They don't know, actually i also sad, i also wish to cry louder like them...

Please help me heal my dad's kidney, support me...
I need You, my dad, my mum and my whole family need You, Father

From Your little believer,
Sherene

Genting life is soooo boring

soooo sein leh,
i really cant tahan to stay here already,
very boring...
everyday i miss all my friends, they are so happy there, sad......

every time people ask me where are you now? then i answer that i am at Genting now, 3 months training here, all of them will say: "wow! soooo best working there, everything also good, the weather, the environment, the theme park, the salary and wat wat wat la..."
then i will say last time i also say like that ya!
but now i regret, really regret,..
working at here is super boring, no more friends here, then everything also expensive, everything also got limited... for short term you will say good la, but for long term you really cant tahan la...

cold make people feel comfortable,
but cold also make people easy to get sick...
your skin, your eyes, your lip will become dry,
especially gastric, cold weather make people easier get gastric...

please don't think that Genting is soooo good, only get benefit...
inside there also got disadvantages one...

this is a place for us to enjoy not for working,
we can come for enjoy the cold weather, the shopping centre, the theme park and others entertainment here la. but working here really not suitable, too many low have to follow, too boring in this place...

hope that time can move more faster, so that i can go back as soon as possible...